Hi squash,
oh i'm glad you are back! life is more fun when i know i can reach you.
that was not too much for a wednesday morning. it sounds like your trip was really cleansing. i'm glad you vomited. i'm glad you feel like you have cleansed yourself of the pain and judgment and control. life feels open for you now and i am so happy for you. i can picture you, winging your way out on a sunday morning, conscious of the air and the colors and the joy of a day, moving toward something meaningful and capturing images on the way. maybe that is silly but when i picture you, you are always walking somewhere. or you are in a bathroom :) (taking pics of yourself).
oh my god, my hair. bad idea #1: dye your hair for your halloween costume (pippi longstocking) - bad idea #2 you are sick so you ask your husband to pick up a hair dye - bad idea #3 when he brings home a permanent hair dye saying that there is a product at the drugstore that say it can remove permanent hair dye if you do not like the color do not doubt your instincts about that -
bad idea #4 have said husband dye your hair even though andi is coming home and has dyed her hair millions of times - bad idea #5 when you love the way your hair is looking lately don't get a burst of ennui and curiosity and self dye your hair
sigh
i made it better by mixing vitamin c with shampoo and letting it sit in my hair for 45 minutes. but it is still orange. it's actually not horrible - i mean my hair was say auburn with blond highlights and the color red could fit in with that and my complexion, but really i realized that i am not a redhead. this weekend i am doing more vitamin c shampooing and maybe lemon juice. i could use the product he bought but i am scared of it.
other than that, things are pretty good here. i am in pretty good spirits. it is so beautiful that it is easy to feel alive. i love this house and this place.
the mckenna thing has been really difficult and now jen isn't talking to me, but i am having a kind of zen whatever will be will be. i at least have been true to myself and kind in my dealings.
i have an appointment tonight for a sleep study! yikes. my new doctor prescribed it. i am wondering what that will be like.
anyhoo, i love you. xoxo